Ever wonder why some of the things in life that you want most are just outside of your grasp?  It sit there, taunting you.  It might as well be a million miles away.  You yearn to be able to touch, but can't.  At times, it seems as if you'd give almost anything just for a moment with it.  But it's all to no avail.  Are these things really worth it?  You think they are but you don't really know.  The only way you can find out is if you can get your fingers around them.  Experience them. 

    Ever wonder why when people have the ability to grasp things that they really want, they don't?  They let them sit there regardless of the opportunity they have.  They want to experience, but sometimes seem to be afraid to.  They look at it, sometimes reach for it.  But at the last moment, they pull their hand back so fast that it astonishes them. 

    What's that fear all about.  Yes, I certainly understand that fear.  I have it.  Everybody has it.  But, what do you do about it?  Is it really worth it to fight through that fear?  No denying that it's a scary thing.  No denying it at all.  But, there is reason for it.  I don't know how many times I've reached for something I thought that I really wanted, that was within my grasp and gotten burned.  Badly, sometimes.  But you know something, it hasn't all been bad.  Yeah, I've been burned by reaching for things.  But, sometimes before the burn I've been able to experience some of the most wonderful things.  I've received some of the most wonderful things.  I've taken part of some of the most wonderful things.  I've got memories that I'll take with me forever, that I will cherish. Forever. 

    What's my advice to you?  Well, it's simple.  Do what you want.  Do whatever you feel comfortable with.  Do what you think will make you happier.  But, remember this.  Although there is a chance you will be burned, if you aren't...... the possibilities are endless.

    What do I do?  Well, even though I've been burned so many times, I keep reaching.  It's all got to even out sometime, right?  There HAS to be a point where things work.  There has to be.  I am not going to go on through life wondering "what if????".  What's the point of that?  Why not try?  Why not give every opportunity that you think might turn out positive a chance?  Think about it.  What do you REALLY have to lose?  Think about what you have to gain. 

    Well, my faithful reader (if you are still out there), what do you think?  Really, please tell me.  This is actually a post that I'd like some feedback on.  Do you reach out and grasp what could be something wonderful, knowing full well that you might get burned?  Or, do you play it safe and keep your hands by your side? 

UPDATE: I forgot to mention my divorce was final a few months ago. YAY ME!

    So.....  How do you feel about having discussions through email.  Sure, nobody can deny that it is a great way to keep in touch.  The problem lies when emotion is involved.  During a recent discussion it was mentioned how email sucks.  It's impossible to hear the other persons inflection on words to grasp their real meanings.  Things can quickly be misconstrued and the wrong impression given.  Don't get me wrong. I really do enjoy having conversations using email.  But, it's best to have them kept to general conversations.  So much is missed.  It's impossible to properly express joy, sorrow, excitement, anger, fear, etc.   I would rather have at a minimum a telephone conversation when it's involving something serious.  Well, perhaps serious isn't the right word, but you know what I mean.  It would be optimal to do things face to face though. 

Yeah, short post, but whatcha gonna do?

    Ok, I generally try to stay away from controversial subjects, but this is something that I've been wondering about for a long time.  This post has been worked on and reworked.  I've probably typed 10,000 words and deleted them all.  I don't think that I've spent more time on a single subject before.  Bottom line is that after almost 3 weeks of writing, I've deleted everything and am just going to wing it.  So, enough delay.

    Life throws you so many curve balls, it's enough to drive me insane.  It always seems like we have an infinite number of decisions to make. Each with it's own consequences, both good and bad.  So with these decisions, does it really matter what we decide?  If you think about it, as many different options as we have, there is only one question with each option - yes or no.  Either we do or we don't. 

    Is there such a thing as a predetermined future?  Do we really make these decisions based on how we feel at any particular moment, or are they already chosen for us?  Or as a dear friend says, "Nothing is beyond our control.  We just use it as an excuse for our on misdeeds."  Wow.  In all honesty, that is a very profound statement.  And it makes a lot of sense.  If everything we do is predetermined, why should any of us take responsibility for our actions?  We could all just say "Don't blame me.  It's not my fault.  Blame destiny." 

    I guess I'm not quite sure what to think.  I try to take responsibility for MY actions.  But there are other things to think about.  What about those things that are beyond our control?  What about people that die in plane crashes, or earthquakes?  Was that destiny that brought them to that exact place at that exact moment? What do we call it?  What about meeting people?  We don't ask to meet people.  Of course, we can choose to associate with them, but not to meet them.  Even a chance meeting of somebody can put your entire life on a different path.  Would you call that meeting destiny? 

    I'm a pretty firm believer of whatever happens, happens.  That being said, I realize that whatever happens is a direct result of the path that my life has taken up until that point.  Or, is it? 

    In the end, regardless of what happens, regardless if it's my decisions that bring me to any place at any point or if it'd destiny, I believe that the end result will SOMEHOW be positive.  Things happen for a reason and it's usually for a good reason.  It might not be the best possible outcome for me. Hell, it may really suck.  But, somehow, somebody will find a positive about it.  Whether they learn from my mistakes or good fortune, or it affects them in some indirect way, it's positive for somebody, somewhere.  What do you call that? 

    Well my faithful reader... give me your thoughts.  Agree or disagree, the floor is yours.

    Has anybody else out there ever wondered why life is so damn confusing?  WTH? 

    HA!  I had about 4 paragraphs written and deleted all of it.  Fuck it.  Life is a royal bitch.  I try to write something, but I think about other friends of mine and their lives and mine problems seem so trivial. 

    Ummm.... yeah..... About 4 more paragraphs written and deleted.  I've spent about an hour and a half on this entry and this is all I have.  Fuck it.  That's all you get for now. 

    I guess I should say that I had the title of this post as JUST WHY? but appropriately renamed it to FUCK IT!

  So my daughter has a blog.  I'm pretty proud of it.  She has some interesting insight on things.  Go ahead and take a look. You can find it here.

  First, a few technical notes.  I've spent a couple of hours on this site today getting the comments to work and adding some new features to them.  I am pretty sure that they are working again.  If you have a moment, please leave a comment for me. I'd like to verify that they are actually working.  I've moved all previous content to the archives.   Now, that page is taking forever to open.  So, if you feel the urge to check things out there, have patience.  I've also removed some posts and references that I deem irrelevant anymore.  At some point, I'll probably create a second archives page and hopefully that will alleviate the slow loading time. OK, in checking some things out, I'm once again not positive if the comments are working.  Maybe they are.  Those may be the source of the slow page load.  Crap. Well, onto my thoughts.....

UPDATE:  Comments are working!  But, they are taking a while to load.  I'm still looking into it.

UPDATE 2: Ok, I think I have the performance issue solved.  For those that are interested, I was running an individual script after each entry for the comment. I replaced all scripts with a single script after the final <DIV> tag.  That seems to have done the trick.  The only problem is that I seem to have lost all comments on the archive page.  I'll see what I can do to get them back.

Why is it that things that you seem to want the most are the most difficult things to acquire?  Is it supposed to be like that?  Does that mean that it's not supposed to be? Does it mean that if you work hard enough to actually get it, it's going to be that much more worth it?  I'm hoping the latter.

So the divorce has been progressing slowly.  Unfortunately, the other half of this process has not been cooperating with the effort.  Today she is going to be coming over and hopefully we'll get the paperwork finished up and turned in on Monday.  I am so looking forward to that.  Thus the title of this entry.  I'm really trying to move on and get through this. I know I will, but it is quite difficult. Not because I have any remorse about going this direction, but dealing with the kids, dealing with the soon to be ex, etc.  Thankfully I have an extremely good network of friends. 

I know the question that is burning in everybody's mind.  Am I seeing somebody?  Officially, I'd have to say no.  That's all I'm going to say about that right now.  It's complicated.  Not to understand, but there are some things I don't want to put all over the internet.  I hope my 3 faithful readers will understand. 

I've can say that I've been pretty busy lately.  I guess that isn't necessarily true though.  I've been busy doing things I want to do.  I could be making time for other things (like updating this), but I'm satisfied with what I've been up to.  Hanging with the kids and talking to certain people. 

My boy is bugging me to press some buttons so I'm going to let him participate in my blog.  Here goes:  bytryferkyjhmdyr ben bobby

OK, enough of that.  Well, I'm  going to go and refill my coffee.  Believe it or not, I've spent about 3 hours on this thing this morning and now it's time to spend some time with the kids.